How to help your child cope with exam stress

The exam season is just around the corner and, whether it’s SATs, GCSEs, A Levels, or university finals, as parents we want to know we are doing everything we possibly can to help support our children through what could be a stressful period with lots of anxiety.

Don’t assume your young person is OK. There are some worrying statistics.

59% of UK teens say they feel stress about exams (National Citizen Service, 2018)

84% of further education students feel stressed about exams and a quarter say that stress had a significant impact on their mental health (National Union of Students, 2019)

So, what can you do? Having honest and open conversations about how your child feels a great place to start. Simply talking about feelings can make a big difference. Remind them about the support system that is in place – who they can go to apart from you – for help and that they are not alone in this.

To really understand some of the practical steps you can take, it helps to understand biologically what’s happening inside their body. The stress response hasn’t changed much since caveman times and, when we’re faced with a stressful situation, our bodies go into fight or flight mode – stay and fight the sabre-toothed tiger or run. The stress hormones kick in to make it easier to do either of those options. Sugar levels in the blood rise so we have the energy to run, heart rate quickens, palms get sweaty so they can grip better, our focus sharpens – but all functions not essential to the job of running or fighting get put on the back burner. The effect is that sleep is often broken, digestion slows, the immune system is repressed, and appetite vanishes. 

After the stressful event passes, everything should return to normal. But the long, slow approach to exam season, then the exams themselves can mean months of your child feeling in this heightened state. The more they worry, the worse they feel, so the more they worry. It’s a vicious circle.

How can you help?

1. Encourage a good routine. That might be helping your young person set up a good revision schedule and/or getting up, eating, and sleeping at similar times each day.
2. Make sure your child or teen or young adult gets enough sleep. Burning the midnight oil can seem a good plan for older children the night before the exam, but it will leave them feeling shattered the next day. If getting to sleep is a problem, look at sleep hygiene in the same way you would take care of your own – no screens an hour before bed, Epsom salts bath, a little light reading before bed.  You might also try calming teas like ‘night-time’ blends featuring chamomile, lavender and valerian. 
3. Encourage them to take time to rest, doing something they love to do to empty the stress bucket. Similarly, encourage exercise, which can be a great way to lift the spirits and boost energy levels. We’re not talking about intense exercise, which can add extra stress to the body, but moving more generally in a way that feels good.
4. Keep enough healthy foods in the house so they don’t have to pick at sugar or junk foods, which spike blood sugar levels and ultimately lead to a crash in energy later in the day. 
5. A diet that balances blood sugar levels is one of the best ways you can help them keep calm and healthy in exam season. Base meals around a good source of protein like poultry, meat, fish, eggs, tofu and other plant-based sources like chickpeas, lentils, and beans. 
6. Encourage eating plenty of omega 3-rich foods, as these are the building blocks of steroid hormones like the stress hormone cortisol. Find them in walnuts, chia and flaxseeds, and oily fish like salmon, fresh tuna, trout, sardines and mackerel. 
7. Older children should watch how much caffeine they drink, from colas and coffees to energy drinks. These can interfere with sleep, leaving them scrambling for energy the next day, resulting in eating more sugar and drinking more caffeinated drinks, and a vicious circle gets created. 
8. On exam day, make sure they have a good breakfast. Porridge or overnight oats with berries, nuts and seeds wins ahead of any cereal for releasing energy slowly and keeping them feeling fuller for longer. Or eggs on wholemeal toast.  
9. Encourage ‘happy tummy foods’ like probiotic yoghurt and kefir. During periods of stress, you might also consider a probiotic yoghurt to strengthen the gut. 
10. A healthy gut also relies on a variety of different plant-based foods – all the different good gut bugs like something different for dinner. That means plenty of fruits and veggies, pulses, nuts and seeds. Some children are compliant when it comes to eating their veggies, but others might need more persuasion. Consider hiding extra veggies in their favourites if they aren’t so keen. It’s amazing how easy it is to add peppers, carrots and mushrooms cut up very small into a Bolognese or cottage pie!

And if you’d like to discuss this further, why not book in a call with me here?

  

Setting goals that work

Having aspirations is a wonderful thing. We should all strive to better ourselves and realise our dreams. However, you need to keep your feet on the ground. If you set yourself the goal to learn how to play the saxophone with the aim of joining a jazz band, touring New York clubs and by next year, you may be overstretching yourself a bit – and that can be the exact opposite of empowering.
 

Although you may be a great talent, it is doubtful that you’d meet that goal, and realising that at some stage may put you off playing the saxophone altogether. Which would be a shame.

 

The fix: Set SMARTER goals

Research shows you are 80% more likely to achieve your goals if you:

• Make them SMARTER.
• Write them down.
• Make a contract to achieve them.

What are SMARTER goals?

Here are my top tips

• Be SPECIFIC - don't say 'lose weight' or 'get fit'. What does that even mean? What is more effective is to say 'lose 7lbs' or 'run 5K'.
• Make them MEASURABLE. How can you tell you've done them? Weight, waist circumference, minutes run, distance covered, weight lifted, etc.
• Make them ACHIEVABLE. As with the jazz playing, make sure it's something that you can actually do.
• Make them REALISTIC. Don't try to run before you can walk, or you'll be setting yourself up for failure. Set yourself up for success by making your goals realistic - do they fit with your lifestyle, time, other commitments.
• Make them TIMEBOUND. By when are you going to achieve them? By the end of January? By Christmas? Make a date and pop it in your diary.
• Make the goal EXCITING! No one wants to do something dull. Make it exciting. If it's not exciting in itself, think what will be exciting if you achieve it? Being able to run 5K, means you might be able to join a running group, for example.
• REWARD yourself for achieving your goal. What will you do if you achieve your goal? While the goal might be rewarding, actually having something to aim for can be very motivating. What would you choose? 

So, armed with this knowledge, what is going to be your SMARTER goal for this year? Let me know!  Get in touch if you fancy a bit of accountability. 

I'll wait to hear from you!
 

6 expert ways to beat stress at Christmas and feel calm TODAY

It’s meant to be ‘the most wonderful time of the year’ but the pressure of the holidays can often mean a stress overload.

Here’s what to do about it. 

Though you look forward to it all year, when Christmas arrives the experience can be pretty overwhelming. Trying to get everything ready in time can be incredibly stressful, especially for women – a third of whom feel more stressed in December than any other month, according to research. 

And small wonder.  Money worries, family tensions, pressure to socialise, and over-excited children on a sugar high is hardly a recipe for success. And, if you struggle to stay at your happy weight or often turn to food as a way of coping or rewarding yourself, being surrounded by treats and snacks over the holidays rarely has a happy ending. 

Managing stress levels is important for your health in the long term because stress is implicated in so many different chronic diseases, including heart disease, Alzheimer’s, diabetes, depression, gastrointestinal problems and asthma. 

If you’re thinking you don’t fall into the ‘I’m stressed enough to be making myself ill’ category, don’t be fooled. The drip-drip-drip of everyday stress can be as damaging as major life incident-related stress (such as death and divorce), so don’t wait to take action. 

It’s also worth considering that stress makes it very hard to lose weight, and you’re much more likely to store it around the middle. This is because the human body hasn’t evolved much since caveman times, when the extra energy was stored where it was most easily accessed, so it could be used to run away from the sabre-toothed tiger. 

Here are my top 6 ways to keep stress under control in the run up to the holidays: 

1. The 10-minute mind trick: Set aside 10 minutes a day for meditation. Simply sit down in a quiet room with your back supported and eyes closed. Try to clear your mind of all worries. Don’t worry if thoughts bubble to the surface, as this is completely normal! The more you resist the more it will persist. Simply bring your attention back to your breath and continue until the time is up. If you’re new to meditation or need more support, find a guided meditation app or CD to lead you through the process. 
2. Eat regularly: Erratic eating times and skipping meals can lead to a dip in blood sugar levels, which leads to the release of the stress hormone cortisol. It’s difficult when routines go out the window, but try to stick to three meals a day and your digestion will thank you for it. Base all your meals and snacks on protein (meat, poultry, fish, eggs, nuts, beans and seeds), fruit and vegetables and smaller amounts of complex carbs (brown rice, wholemeal bread or pasta). 
3. Cut back on alcohol and caffeine: I know it’s hard, especially at Christmas when socialising revolves around drinking, but try ditching (or significantly reducing) your alcohol and caffeine intake. Caffeine causes a release of stress hormones from the adrenal glands - the last thing you want if you are already stressed! At first, alcohol might help to relax you when you’re stressed out (by promoting the release of GABA, the calming neurotransmitter), but it is quickly metabolised to sugar that can lead to a restless sleep, which leads me onto my next tip. 
4. Prioritise sleep: Get into a sleep routine that includes relaxing practices such as taking a warm bath with Epsom salts, light reading or stretching. Introduce a digital detox at least an hour before bed (that means no phones, no TV, no laptops or tablets), so as not to disrupt melatonin production (the sleepy hormone). A light snack such as an oatcake with almond butter or a banana may help to support undisturbed sleep. 
5. Eat magnesium-rich meals: Magnesium relaxes the nervous system and muscles so eating foods rich in this mineral, such as leafy greens, avocados, sesame seeds and spinach can help reduce stress.  
6. Get to the cause: Look at the root cause to any stress in your life, and think about how you respond to it. If the effect of stress or just general busyness gets in the way of your efforts to stay healthy and you’d like to do something about it, I warmly invite you to book a FREE 30-minute health and energy review with me here.

Set Yourself Up for Holiday Success

In life, we have many agreements – explicit agreements with others about the things we will do or not do and the implicit agreements we make with ourselves about all sorts of things, including how we will eat and live our lives.

When we honour promises to ourselves and others we feel good.

 

Every time you break one of these agreements (including those to yourself) you cannot help but be impacted – even if you feel it’s not such a big deal. But over time, these broken promises build up and, before you know it, you’re just not feeling great about life. You start feeling life is hard or you haven’t what it takes, and your motivation to eat well dips. 

Holidays are often very different to your everyday life and this is why it is critical to create a new set of agreements around what you will or won’t do on holiday. 

That way, you get to keep your word to yourself, and everything is great. When you don’t – and you’ve, therefore, broken ALL your rules - you are likely to find yourself in the nutritional wilderness, continuing to make those ‘holiday choices’ when you return. 

So, the first thing to do is to work out what your new agreements are. You will need to choose whether you have an ‘anything goes’ policy for the duration of the holiday with the explicit intention of returning to your regular pattern when you return. 

Or you take a view on the kinds of things you don’t always do but you want to do more of on holiday. 

The important thing is to be clear which of these paths you are taking. If you do not actively choose, you are in a grey area, which will ultimately end in you feeling unsatisfied because you’re likely either feel deprived or that you have over-indulged.

Be clear on what matters most

If you are choosing to stay close to your plan but you don’t want to eat all the food and drink all the drinks and have to deal with the fallout later, you’ll have to consider what matters most to you when it comes to holidays - and do that but no more. 

Work out what’s important when you go on holiday, what the dealbreakers are that – if they’re not part of the holiday – you will feel it’s incomplete. 

You might love most about holidays is the freedom of not having a specific schedule, catching up on sleep, reading a few of those books you’ve been promising yourself all year. And it might mean a great suntan, letting your hair bleach in the sun, spending quality time with your partner, and having someone else do the cooking. 

When you look back on your summer, it might feel great to know you’ve really rested and recharged, that you’ve laughed every day, and that you’ve enjoyed special family moments. 

You might reflect that, although your summer holidays normally include an ice cream every day just because everyone else is having one, really you’re not that fussed. 

It may work for you to bring a snack with you (nuts are very portable wherever you are) and to enjoy these while others are having the ice cream because that’s what you choose to do. 

Ask yourself these questions:

• A holiday is incomplete without…
• When I look back at my holiday, I want to feel…
• I don’t want to feel…
• When I go on holiday, the most important things for me are...
• Things I normally do over the summer that don’t work for me or I’m not that bothered about…
• I will know I’ve had a great summer / holiday when… (how will you measure it?)

If you are clear about what you want from your holiday – and what you don’t want – you can put a plan in place that works for you and allows you to get the most out of your holiday. And don’t forget to plan for when you get home. How long would you like these holiday rules to apply? 

And if you’d like to know more, why not download my free guide – The Ultimate Holiday Eating Strategy.

Ways to Restore Body Confidence

How often do you look in the mirror and criticise the image reflecting back at you? Or look at a recent photo and inwardly cringe at your arms / legs / bum / tummy?

Chances are...this happens quite regularly.

But what do you think your friends or family would say if they looked at the same photo? Would they criticise, or would they be more likely to mention how much fun you looked like you were having? How great your hair/skin/clothes looked?

We can be our own worst enemies when it comes to negative self-talk. Having objectivity and focusing on the good points is something that many people just don’t do. I’ll bet you promise yourself that the next diet will be the one that works, that if you could only lose a stone life would be so much better...

The reality is that feeling good is not a number on the scales or a smaller dress size. It comes from within, and no amount of weight loss will change that. If working on turning your inner critic into your biggest cheerleader is something that you need help with, then read on. I’ve put together a series of exercises to restore your body confidence and help you feel fantastic every day.

How to learn to love your body

Throughout history, and across different cultures, body shape has always been a determiner of attractiveness and desirability and is often linked to wealth, health, and status.

The rise of social media has made it easier than ever to compare yourself unfavourably with others and lead you to aspire to a way of looking that is unrealistic and unattainable for the majority of people. No wonder you are so dissatisfied...

In 2020, the UK Government’s Women and Equalities Committee conducted a survey on body image and found that 61% of adults and 66% of children feel negatively or very negatively about their body image most of the time.

Women spoke of needing to feel thin and curvy, while men expressed a desire to be taller or more muscular. Children as young as 11 gave ‘images on social media’ as being the thing that influences them the most, perhaps not fully understanding that these are often photoshopped and edited.

Does this sound familiar?

Learning to accept your body just as it is

You may not love your body right now, but even if it is not your ideal, it is important to accept your body for how it is. Constant negative thoughts and criticism will not only make you feel worse, but also make you far more likely to rebel with ‘what difference will it make?’ thinking. If you wouldn’t say it to your friend, then don’t say it to yourself.

Positive reinforcement is much more effective - if you use kind words and praise when you think about your body, you are much more likely to succeed in your health goals.

So next time you catch yourself focusing on your ‘worst’ bits in the mirror, switch your view to the bits you like best instead: start redressing the balance.

What can you do to improve your body image?

Mirror work: Look at yourself in a mirror for a few minutes each day. Work up to accurately and honestly describing each part of your body - but using no negative words. Stop the exercise if this happens and return to it the next day. This is all about creating an acceptance of your body for how it is now.

Wear clothes you look and feel good in – store or throw away anything that doesn’t fit.

Don’t weigh yourself more than once a week (less if possible).

Avoid influences which continuously push the ‘ideal’ and encourage you to compare yourself. Look for healthy, inspirational social media feeds to follow instead.

Use positive self-talk and affirmations to reinforce and support yourself. You can be kind and honest to yourself - what would someone who loves you say to you? Be your own supporter and you are much more likely to succeed.

Start being your own superfan

It’s all too easy to focus on how you look, without giving any time or energy to other areas of your life. So, let’s take a minute to think about your other strengths – do people tell you you’re an amazing cook, a wonderful mum or a great colleague? Are you incredibly organised, the life of a party, or always there for your friends?

Everyone has their signature strengths, strengths that are a unique combination. Take a little time now to think about three things that you really like and admire about yourself.

• What three things do I like and admire about myself?
• What do I consider to be my greatest strengths or personal characteristics?
• What would a friend or family member tell me is the best thing about myself?
• What do I do well that other people might not even know about?

Whenever you hear your inner critic starting to whisper negative thoughts, focus on these three things (from the exercise above) instead. Rehearse them regularly and they will start to be part of the way you think about yourself.

Reminding yourself of what is great about you provides the right balance to support lasting change.

Would you like to know more? Contact me for my full guide with exercises to help you restore your body confidence. I’m here to help.

Ever wondered how your relationship with food developed? 

(And how to fix what you don’t like)

Food is for nourishment. If you use it for any other purpose, remember the relationship you have with food developed over time and many things will impact it. But when you want to make practical changes, it can be useful to explore your formative years. We learn how to use food from a very early age - and then rarely challenge the associations as adults.

Hilde Bruch, a respected theorist in eating disorders, suggests that the confusion starts during infancy, when the child is fed when it is distressed as well as when it is hungry. So, from very early on, we may start to lose the ability to differentiate between hunger and emotional needs...

Family mealtimes are an important part of developing healthy self-esteem, social skills, and the relationship an individual has with food. Think back to when you were a child. What were your mealtimes like? What were your parents’ attitudes to weight, food, and dieting?

What was the dominant emotion at your dinner table? Which of the following apply to you?

• My mother worried about her weight / dieted when I was young
• I wasn’t able to speak my views during mealtime
• I remember thinking about my weight when I was young
• In my family, we thought of beauty as depending a lot on weight
• I did not look forward to mealtimes
• My parents forced me to eat foods I did not like
• There was yelling / arguing during dinner
• I remember feeling nervous during dinner
• During meals I was told not to waste food

If any of those resonated, these experiences can create an association between food and that emotion. These can then be easily carried through into adult life.

What type of eater are you? (And how to fix it)

• I am a perfectionist. I need to be in control (of food / weight /diet)
• I use food as a treat - to be ‘nice’ to myself
• I like to please others and feel unable to say no to others (not just in relation to food)
• I eat when I am angry
• I eat when I am stressed
• I restrict my food intake to punish myself and I feel guilty if I fail to achieve this
• I eat when I feel sad
• I rush my food
• I am unable to leave food on my plate
• I eat when I feel hurt /distressed
• I eat in secret
• I eat to avoid conflict
• I don’t have a regular routine for food

In order to survive, all animals learn what to eat, when to eat and how to eat from their parents. It is unlikely our parents have perfect eating habits so there will always be things we can improve upon as adults. Is a habit or belief still useful now? If not, change it! For example, “you must clear your plate”. Why? What will happen if you don’t? Go on, go really wild, that will happen if I leave the odd potato or brussels sprout?

Do you use food to get control?

Children learn that they can get control of adults by using food. Did you learn to get attention from others by not eating or making a fuss? Or maybe you were force fed foods you didn’t like and felt out of control? There are so many things in this world over which we have no control. It is common for people to turn to food to take control over their own bodies instead.

Solution: Deal with the issue directly - rather than by eating. What in your life is making you feel out of control or stressed? Job / family / money? What practical changes can you make to put you back in control?

Can you leave food on your plate?

“Finish your dinner or you won’t get any pudding”. Sound familiar? Or perhaps your grandparents encouraged you to eat lots. This may have been particularly important for previous generations as food was scarcer and they wanted to ensure we ate as well as possible. We are lucky as this is generally not the case now.

Solution: It’s probably healthier to leave the excess on your plate... 

Are you a pleaser?

Are you unable to say ‘no’ to others?

Do you feel taken advantage of? As a child, did you observe that the pretty /clever / entertaining one got all the attention? If you learnt this, you may still believe that you will only be loved if you are clever / attractive / slim enough. Or, maybe by being good, or doing things for others, you prevented their anger being directed at you. So, you learnt that pleasing others was the easiest course of action - even if it meant not getting your own needs met.

Solution: In which situations is it truly the best course of action to please others? On what occasions is it completely unnecessary (i.e. just habit)? Work out when these are and just say no politely. 

Do you restrict food and then feel guilty when you end up eating?

Were you ever sent to bed without any supper? If so, you may have learnt that if you do something bad you get punished by being made to feel hungry. Dieting is traditionally associated with being hungry and ‘going without’: punishing yourself for overeating in the past. Then, when you get so hungry that you break the diet, you feel twice as guilty because you’ve now sneakily gone against the punishment too!

Solution: Balance your blood sugar (this helps from the physiological perspective) as it will help reduce your cravings. Remember, you are not punishing yourself - you are on a mission to improve your health. Question what happened to break the negative cycle: what led to the slip and what will you do differently next time? 

Do you eat when you feel sad or need love?

“Have some chocolate, that will cheer you up”. It’s easy to see how we all learnt this behaviour. The sugar rush may well perk you up momentarily, but it doesn’t resolve the problem!

Solution: Remember, distress is a normal part of life - deal with it directly. Or, if you need love, ask for some attention from a loved one.

Do you use food as a treat?

Most of us have received food as a reward for good behaviour or to signify love. And we are likely to have had treats (or love) withheld for bad behaviour. So, love and sugar can become closely linked - and an easy way to love yourself.

Solution: Choose treats that won’t make you feel guilty afterwards. This way you can reward yourself more effectively and positively.

Do you eat in secret?

Were sweets hidden out of reach from you? This instantly suggests they are naughty or forbidden which makes us want them even more! Or perhaps someone called you “greedy”. So maybe even now you eat in secret so that they won’t say it again. But it was probably said a long time ago in jest and in response to a specific incident eg. eating all your easter eggs in one go. As a child, that’s not a crime!

Solution: Question your beliefs: maybe you eat a little too much sometimes but that doesn’t justify calling yourself names! Try not to eat on your own and serve appropriate portions.

Do you rush your food?

Perhaps older siblings helped themselves to your food if you didn’t eat fast enough. Maybe your parents encouraged you to “hurry up and finish your dinner and you can go and play”. This can result in overeating as we miss the ‘fulness’ signals.

Solution: Slow down. Chew properly. Put your cutlery down between

mouthfuls.

Do you eat when you are angry or frustrated or to avoid conflict?

If you feel others didn’t listen to you or you were unable to speak your mind effectively you may have turned to eating to relieve the tension. The act of swallowing pushes the feelings down, suppressing them. Or, if you want to avoid conflict, it is difficult to argue if you are too busy eating...

Solution: Start learning to be assertive and deal with the situation that is creating the frustration. Avoid the situations. Or find a healthier outlet for the stress, e.g. exercise.

If this has made you think and you feel you may need support, don't hesitate to get in touch with me. Why not book a free call with me here?